THE CRUSH ALERT BY OLUWASEYI TOMOSORI

There are two types of alerts that brightens a girl’s day or week. These are the ”Bank alert” and the “crush alert”. While the bank alert fattens your pocket or wallet,the latter stretches your heart beyond limit and if care is not taken,a shattered heart might just be the next happening situation. 

So this is how it goes,you run into a hot hunk on a cold morning while jogging,your eyes meet and you suddenly feel like he can see into the deepest part of your soul. There is a connection,he might not feel it but you do. Better still,he does but decides not to act on it and then smiles at you,flashing a white set of well arranged teeth your way,throwing you a wink at the same time and then jogs on. Your heart beat loses its rythym and turns into a parade sorta beat,you blush and scream inwardly,”OMFG,dude is haaaawwwwt!”. Your brain screams ATTRACTION BUT your mind screams CRUSH. However I call this DEATH and this kind of guy,I call DEVIL. I mean why would you look so sweaty in cute joggers and tight hugging tees,get my heart "over pumping" blood vigorously only to jog on. EXCUSE ME???

I find the social media crush amusing you know. I mean why crush on a dude on twitter,instagram or whatever,like his pictures and even save and use on bbm and whatsapp as your NCA only to have him not follow you at all or unfollow you. Dude doesn’t even know you exist madam,wake up,that alert is clearly not for you. 

A type of crush I find rather disheartening is one you have on a guy with a girlfriend. Now usually in this case,the girl or bae is usually so beautiful. Like pretty,cute and amazing. Be sure to check out the body,KILLING! These duo can be referred to as the “star couple”,so YOU crushing on the dude is just unacceptable to ‘”US” and my dear you would just be torturing yourself cos even IF he looks your way,he is just probably checking out the level you are on as compared to his girl. Move on! 

Now there is this kinda crush that screams funny and weird. It is one you develop towards a guy whom you claim to totally dislike.lol. Many girls do this,scream at a guy,mock him when with friends but secretly crush and kiss his picture before going to bed at night. This is why it is called a WEIRD CRUSH. Everytime you see him you brain screams INCOMING ALERT!!! But you push him away in public which makes me wonder when you are gonna get the courage to give your frog a kiss. 

Now crushing on your friend’s brother/brother’s friends is something else entirely. You go on a visit to your friend’s place and hear the deep timbre to her brother’s voice only for him to appear and leave you stuttering and drooling. Your brain screams alert! WIPE THAT SPITTLE OFF YOUR MOUTH OLD GURL,DUDE’S GOT A BAE*winks* 

Crushing on your lecturer is another common thing but an old lecturer,driver,gardner or your old man’s friend making alert ring/sound in your brain is so not good for your health,so cut it out. 

Finally,you meet a guy you are attracted to,you get lucky and become friends,stuffs get going,smooth and suave,the alert is received,CRUSH ALERT!!! It reads,a decision is left to be made. Tell him and get him mad OR shut up and stay as friends….... 

Before you start thanking me for reading your mind and providing a lasting solution to this problem at hand which is the major problem girls face nowadays,I’m gonna tell you this- I HAVE GOT NO ANSWER OR SOLUTION TO YOUR DILENMA,ALL I CAN SAY IS DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT. 

By the way old guy,let me let you in on a little secret,once your girl starts using NCA on her pm or status,BE SCARED cos it only means one thing-NEW CRUSH ALERT!!!*wicked grin* 

My dear girls,if you like Lucifer Cynister,you needn’t go through much agony,TELL HIM. Ich liebe dich*winks* stay loved….muah! 

Written by Oluwaseyi Tomosori.